No Such Thing
by FBI Bones
Summary: There really is no such thing as a beautiful goodbye. DanielVala


**Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate SG1 or any of it's affiliated characters of locations. **

**Title: No Such Thing **

**Summary: There really is no such thing as a beautiful goodbye… **

**Pairing: Daniel/Vala **

**Rating: PG13 **

**Genre: Romance/Tragedy **

**Warning: Well I don't want to give it away, I really don't, but please just know there is a warning on this fiction and that I cried my eyes out when I wrote it (I think that _is_ a give a way…) **

**Author's Notes: The song mentioned at the beginning and end of this fiction is a truly beautiful song and if you haven't heard it you really should.**

_Here I stand alone, _

_With this weight upon my heart, _

_And it will not go away, _

_In my head I keep on looking back, _

_Right back to the start, _

_Wondering what it was that made you change,_

_- What If, Kate Winslet._

The warmth of a slight breeze tickled his skin as much as it played with his hair, standing here he felt… not numb because he could still feel, if he couldn't he wouldn't be here would he? No, you remember that feeling you have where nothing seems to matter, there's a deafening silence that wails and screams in the dark; pitiful howls begging for relief? That was how he felt.

His clenched and unclenched his fists inside the pockets of his leather jacket, the slight sting of his fingernails digging into his palms a passable excuse for comfort he refused to take.

The sun had only just begun to fall when he had taken his place stood stoically in the graveyard, as unmoving as the ornate masterpieces of stone that marked the finally resting places of loved ones. Angels and crosses dotted across the cemetery, costing so much the family and friends of the lost person the stones guarded would be paying for it the rest of their lives.

The one he stood by was not extravagant, but neither was it insignificant; a reasonable size with her name, date of death and the words 'friend to many; she will be missed' engraved into polished granite.

Flowers left by Sam lay at the foot of the gravestone, an array of beautiful white daisies; a card attached to the packaging was closed a plain white card with 'Vala' written in Sam's perfect handwriting across the front.

Daniel shivered, the air cooling around him; he'd been stood here… hours? He neither knew nor cared. His legs ached as he moved them to step forwards. Treading carefully he sat cross legged by the stone, arms around his knees as he stared straight ahead at the pathway he had veered off from to get to the hidden corner where they had chosen to lay her to rest.

* * *

"Fall back!" Cam called, gesturing wildly with his free arm, backing up step by step and firing his P-90 in a never-ending onslaught of bullets, "fall back,"

Sam nodded her acknowledgement and after sending another round off into the crowds falling towards them, weapons raised high and firing with roars of primal delight and war cries that seemed loud enough to be heard for several miles. They jumped into a dip in the land and continued hasty fire over the ridge.

Daniel was stood behind the protection of a pillar of the temple that guarded the gates of the village the Ori warriors were currently 'cleansing of evil' or at least attempting to should they get passed the team, and judging by their sheer numbers it would not be long.

It had been completely unexpected; the only warning that of a Prior leaving in fury after the over-used pep talk given by SG1 had made sure the villagers refused to bow down to Origin before the armies had rained down on them like locusts; apparently the team had been spotted.

He unzipped a pocket in his vest and pulled out another round of ammunition for his weapon, back against the pillar he listened as Vala continued to fire from behind the pillar to his left from his current position. The P-90 clicked as he reloaded it and he turned, wincing as well aimed enemy fire glanced off the ceiling the pillars held up and fragments of rock and dust fell down around him in clouds.

Firing repetitively, the sound of his own weapon drowned out by the screams of fallen men and of bellows of uproar, the deafening rumble of gunfire that accompanied a firefight hurting his ears.

He paused as there came a break in the fire and he took a few breaths, shielded by the pillar. He was ashamed to admit he had not heard nor seen him until he was pinned to the wall in a vice like grip, cursing himself he went to throw the man off and was unsuccessful, his gun was dropped with a sickening clatter on stone floor.

"Daniel!" Vala cried, an arm curled round her head as more of the ceiling collapsed, her free hand clutching her gun to her chest.

"Vala," Tomin looked away from his captive and to her.

"Tomin?" disbelief clouded her voice as her arm fell to her side once again.

"You love this man," he accused, looking as if he would take great pleasure in spitting in Daniel's face and stepping back but not further than enough to fit his weapon between himself and Daniel.

"He's a friend Tomin," she insisted, eyes darting from Tomin, to his weapon and then to Daniel before settling on Tomin again "now let him go,"

Tomin shook his head, jaw set and teeth gritted together in fury "you love this man," he repeated, jabbing Daniel in the chest.

Daniel swallowed and tried to tear his eyes away from the threatening piece of machinery aimed at his heart which pounded in his ears, suddenly the sounds of the firefight seemed so much quieter, so much further away.

"Tomin," she warned, taking a step towards the two men in front of her, stopping when once more the weapon was shifted and Daniel found he did not even have to look down to see it now, "we can talk about this,"

"No," he snarled, lips curled in disgust "you betrayed me,"

Daniel tried to catch Vala's eye, she glanced only briefly at him, shaking her head as he went to speak.

"Silence!" Tomin cried, hands flexing against the body of his firearm, "the Orisi wishes that you return to her," he sounded so much calmer, so much more in control.

"Well I can't do that," Her eyes were sad and the twinkle that was always present dimmed "I am sorry," she assured Tomin, "I really am,"

"You will not try and follow the path?" his voice laced with concern and worry.

Vala shook her head, licking her lips, frozen in place, terrified to move should Tomin actually follow through on his obvious threat.

"You!" he turned back to Daniel and Daniel tried not to flinch at the cold passion that was burning there, the fury, and the pain, "I shall kill you for this!"

Powerless to stop him Daniel pressed himself further into the pillar, in instinctive defence. His closed his eyes and tensed, it felt like hours before he opened them again and even then it was only in response to the sound of Tomin firing but there was no pain.

Every muscle in his body relaxed then started shaking as he saw Tomin standing in front of him, weapon raised and aimed. Only it was away from Daniel.

His jaw dropped as he saw the look of anguish the enemy solider wore, tracing the other man's line of sight he scrambled away from the wall, falling to his knees half way but crawling the rest of the short distance between himself and Vala.

She was laid flat on her back on the floor, the front of her SGC uniform blown open and charred. A sticky mess of blood and perished fabric coated her abdomen and scarlet fluid seeped into the cracks of the temple floor, running away as if it were chasing itself away from its place of belonging.

"Vala!" he pressed two fingers to her neck, instead of a steady thrum against the tips it barely tickled it.

Tomin's pants for breath as it dawned on him what had just done were cut short as stray fire came closer and he fell to the floor. He had not even enough time to come to a proper realisation.

"Vala!" he eased her head into his lap, brushing back dark hair, and grimacing at how cold her skin had gone, "Sam, Mitchell, this is Daniel, Vala's been hit," he bit back a groan of defeat as there was no reply other than static.

"Daniel?" her eyelids fluttered and her hand twitched at her side, leaning over her and trying to cause her as little pain as possible he took the freezing appendage and held it tightly in his own, much warmer, hand.

"I'm here," he breathed, "What the hell did you do?" fear coursed through him like poison.

"H-He… was going to k-kill you… Dan-iel," she shook and shivered and it worried him that her convulsions were so violent.

Tears pricked his eyes but he forced them back, he did not want to speak, he didn't trust himself too.

"Are … are you still there?"

He had never heard her sound so panicked and vulnerable, squeezing her hand in response "I'm still here… I'm not going anywhere," he assured her, stroking her hair soothingly.

"It's d-dark Daniel," she whimpered quietly, as if she were almost embarrassed at her weakness.

"No," his voice caught in his throat "no it's not dark Vala," he took a ragged breath, words said not long ago echoed in his head "don't run Vala, stay here, don't run," he was barely even aware of saying them.

"G-guess n-now… would be a b-bad t-time…"

He frowned, squeezing her hand again "bad time for what?"

"Kiss me," she said, forcing herself to articulate the words clearly "please Daniel,"

"Kiss you?" he was incredulous, "no Vala,"

She coughed and he hated the feel of her tremors passing into him through their brief, to brief contact. He wanted to move her, hold her to his body tightly to share the body heat, to keep her with him, but the state her torso was in that was out of the question.

She closed her eyes and laughed wryly, despite the agony it caused "too much to hope for," she breathed.

He frowned at her, God she was cold, so, so cold, screw the medical proprieties, she was too damn cold!

Sliding from under her he quashed her terror by whispering to her gently nonsensical phrases he would never have said were he not this panicked.

The bandages in his pack were not much use as he tore them from their wrapping and pressed them against her bleeding abdomen to only have them soaked with the unstoppable flow of blood. He kept them pressed there though. She gave half strangled cries as he sat against the pillar she had been using for cover and moved her to sit between his legs, arms wrapped around her to try and keep what little heat she still had in.

She sighed into his chest and used her free hand, with sluggish movement, to touch her burning stomach, drawing it back covered in blood "I d-don't think this is going… to… w-work," she whispered.

He tried to radio again "Sam, Mitchell, this is Daniel, Vala's been hit," still nothing, "dammit," he rested his chin atop her head.

"Still no kiss for… the dying girl?" she teased weakly.

"You are not dying!" he snapped, pulling her even closer to him.

She smiled and coughed slightly "beg to differ," she breathed, her voice ever fainter and her tremors ever stronger.

They sat in silence, her laboured breaths short even as he tried to encourage her breathing with his own, exaggerating every inhalation and exhalation as far as he could, still it refused to work.

"Daniel," she murmurred.

"Yeah?" how long would they be sat there? Where were Mitchell and Sam, Teal'c? Where the hell was Teal'c?

"I can't see," she admitted, her voice thick, "I don't… I c-closed… my e-eyes…" a sob severed her sentence "and… I c-can't s-see…"

"Shh…" he soothed, stroking her hair "its okay," no it wasn't, it wasn't okay, "shh,"

Every sob and every tear stole even more of her waning strength, but she could not stop them, much as it pained her to admit it, she was trapped and she was petrified.

"Vala," he prompted "Vala don't, calm down, everything's going to be fine," why did he keep saying that? When did he become such a liar?

"B-but… Daniel I… I'm so… please Daniel,"

Even without her saying it he knew what she wanted him to and despite earlier protestations he tilted her head up just a fraction and then ducked his own. Her lips were soft and compliant beneath his, her mouth opening to permit his entrance, completely relaxed in his arms, save for her trembling hands which clutched as tightly as they dare at his shirt, as if holding him as her anchor.

His tongue flicked across her teeth and palate; engaging in a slow dance with hers. The kiss was long and languid and he closed his eyes in bliss as she kissed in him back.

The need for oxygen started as a burning sensation in his chest and he reluctantly pulled away.

Her lips were slightly swollen as, he was sure, were his, she smiled at him "g-guess… you b-believe me… n-now," she murmured sadly, resting her head on his chest again.

Tears burned his eyes and he felt them force their way down his cheeks and he could not stop them "don't," _don't say goodbye, don't close your eyes, don't, don't, don't..._

"Don't what?"

"Don't say that, don't give up," he couldn't tell the difference between her shivers and his.

She smiled again, her breath catching as even that hurt now, her eyes drifted closed as if of their own accord.

"Vala!" He exclaimed, _don't close your eyes, don't run, don't sleep, don't say goodbye…_

"I can't see… th-that m-much any-anyway…" she opened them all the same, having gotten used to the semi-darkness it wasn't as scary now.

"You'll be fine. You're gonna be fine," he hushed her, rocking back and forth, as much to comfort himself as her "don't run again okay?"

"Where would I run too?" she sighed, the closest she would ever get to saying that the only time she had ever not felt the need to run was with him. With him by her side, she had nothing to run _from._

"Please… just stay here," tighter, hold her tighter! Where was his team? _Their _team? And why was she still so damn cold?

"Daniel," weaker by the second and it didn't suit her, not at all, vulnerability was not created in her colour.

"Hmm?" he rested his cheek on top of her head.

"I…" she could barely speak it hurt so much. This was… darkness was all consuming. Death a hungry animal looming in the shadows; is that what awaited her? "You we-were… are… a-amazing," she choked, swallowing and coughing weakly, half smothered sobs wracked her body "you're the b-best… the s-strong-est… m-man I have… ev-ever… m-met," her chest moved erratically in short pants for breaths she could not take, "th-the b-best... fri-friend,"

"Vala-" this wasn't her, she didn't talk like this, didn't say how she… he swallowed again, the lump in his throat making him feel sick. He released her with one arm and pressed a button on his radio "Vala's down!" he yet again received only static.

Her hand shook violently as she lifted it heavily to rest it over his "th-thank y-you," _for showing me a world I would never have seen, and not the kind you can reach using a Stargate. _

He shook his head, encircling her once more with both arms as he bit his lip against the waves of anguished grief that rolled over him.

If she couldn't say how she felt exactly maybe he could… maybe he could just… "I'll t-tell… Sha're… i-if I s-see h-her… don't know… wh-where I'm… going to… e-end u-up… tell… tell her… you sti-still… l-love he… her."

"Vala don't! You're not going anywhere!"

She licked her lips, once a dusty rose were now the same colour as her paling face, "kiss me again Daniel,"

He shook his head "no," if he did then that would… it might… she could…

"Please… Daniel,"

She was so light, resting entirely against him, and he blinked hard, swallowing yet again, the lump still refused to budge, his hand crept up to cup the back of her head, lost in thick locks of dark, wavy hair.

He gasped at the shock of her icy lips against his. She pressed herself into his embrace using every ounce of strength she had left, leaving one hand holding her wounded abdomen, the other curled round his neck, her fingers carding through the short hairs at the base of his skull.

Each second tugged at her slowing heart and rattled her chest, he went to pull away again for fear of hurting her further, a renewed, fervent hunger had her make the tiniest noise of protest and she tightened her hold as much as was possible.

She moved back only enough to speak "I… th-think…" she paused and closed her eyes, opening them as she remembered how much he hated them closed, but she was so tired… she started again… "I… l-love you,"

A sharp intake of breath indicated his poorly concealed sob and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly "no, no, no," he chanted "no,"

"Hush…" she whispered, "shh…" she wiped away his tears, how much longer did she have? Not long enough, an eternity would not be enough "open your eyes f-for … me, Daniel… open y-your… ey-eyes…"

He nodded twice, slowly and then opened them; glistening blue orbs met the dimming eyes of the woman in his arms.

"My Daniel," she breathed, smiling through the agony and the tears that were falling from her own eyes, then as strong as she could manage "_my_ Daniel,"

He gave a barely perceivable nod of agreement and went to speak, but her mouth covered his and she swallowed his words as he, her last breath.

* * *

The sun was now barely visible; an orange hue painted the horizon line.

He opened the card Sam had left without haste, he did not think he was capable of it 'Vala, we miss you, rest in peace, Sam xx' he closed the card again, gritting his teeth tightly, no more tears, no more crying, no more weakness.

Behind the flowers he noticed a simple piece of paper propped against the stone, lifting it and turning it over, he could not stop the wry smile that tugged at his lips 'you were a great girl Vala, even if you did drive me nuts, Cam'

He replaced the note and found another, the card decorated by a picture of a single flower, the artist's signature in the bottom corner, inside, barely a single glimpse of white was to be seen so many signatures were there. General Landry's clear and proud beneath the words 'rest in peace' he had written himself, Walter Harriman 'from the control room', Sergeant Siler, Doctor Lam, Bill Lee…

He re-stood the card on the gravestone's platform, shuddering as the breeze picked up for a second and knocked it down, standing it again he felt his fingers brush a wooden object.

Lifting it and running his fingers across the painstakingly handcrafted statue he now held, a customised replicate of one of the artefacts in his office, one Vala had shown great interest in. He turned it upside down and once more tears tickled his cheeks as they slid down them.

Engraved in perfect penmanship on the underside of the platform the statue, that had been built with both love and care, had were the words ' Vala Maldoran; A great warrior, a better friend and a stronger woman there will never be'. And around the sides of the platform in minute hieroglyphs 'to see the world with a child's eyes even in adulthood is a gift. To see it through a child's eyes with an adult's mind and at the same time remain true of heart is an even greater one'

It made a soft thud as it was rested back in its rightful place once more.

He knew from experience that the pain did last a lifetime, it only became forgotten, no matter, it would never be easy, never could be. The dark chasm of despair he had fallen into before was not an easy climb out, and to climb out of a never-ending abyss you need the will to do so. Right now he wasn't sure he had even that.

Exhaustion was agonising but he dare not sleep as his every dream and every thought were haunted by her presence, or lack of. Desperately real in ways it hurt to even breathe now.

_"My Daniel," _hoarse and quiet it was a wonder he had heard her, if he had not been so close he probably would not have _"my Daniel," _possessive, strong, vibrant and insistent, _alive._

Memories stalk you, dreams torture the sleeping mind and all the monsters you were sure you had hidden in your closet as a child come flooding out like demons from the gates of hell and tear and grab at you until you have nothing left to give. It was a never-ending battle he was tired of fighting.

It was too late now. Too late to say he was sorry, to hear her laugh, to enjoy the sparks of burning desire her every touch sent through him. It was too late to do anything.

There were so many things he wanted to do, so many things he should have said, should have done. 'Distance makes the heart grow fonder' this distance did not make it fonder, no, it made it shatter, fall to pieces, tiny shards beyond discovery and repair.

It was said to make farewell less painful and goodbyes easier to accept; the hope that one day everything would turn out okay. Phrases and sayings used purely as an excusable lie to mask the true reality. In reality goodbyes were not easy and farewells were not pain free.

In reality there really is no such thing as a beautiful goodbye.

_Well I tried, _

_But I had to draw the line, _

_And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind, _

_What if I had never let you go?_

- _What If, Kate Winslet. _

**Please Review! I know some of that (if not all) was ooc. Oh and the usual, flames are pointless, yadda, yadda, don't send 'em. Reviews are nice though. :) **


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